Sophie Kangas and Tom Mollison are in a stalemate. In today’s conversation, the topic up for debate is whether the couple living in Bellingham, Washington, will ever buy a house.

“Well, it’s something that I want to happen, and I think it is gonna happen,” Kangas said.

“Ya sure about that?” Mollison quipped.

“Yeah! Yeah,” Kangas said.

The conversation can get kind of awkward between the couple, who are in their early 30s. They’ve been dating for eight years and work in public schools. At one point, the two discussed what they would do if their landlord sold the apartment. Kangas said they’d move closer to her family.

“But would we buy or rent?” Mollison asked.

“We’d buy,” Kangas said.

“We’d rent,” Mollison said, laughing.

They have the “should we buy a house?” talk a few times a year and have never agreed. So they continue the status quo of renting. Plus, they love where they live. They’d have to move to a different town to afford a mortgage.

The same situation is playing out for renters across the United States. It’s no secret that the housing market is tough right now. Prices are still near record highs. Meanwhile, the average 30-year fixed-rate mortgage is 6.69%. In 2023, it was more expensive to buy than it was to rent in 46 of the top 50 U.S. metros, according to Redfin data.

Increasingly, the cost of buying a home has led more Americans to prepare to rent forever.

Ellen Wickham, 59, works in accounting and lives in western Massachusetts. She’s always rented, but recently looked into buying. But life got in the way.

“My father passed away very quickly,” Wickham said.

Her mother passed away not long after. Meanwhile, Wickham’s marriage was falling apart. She no longer felt safe at home.

“And so I left with $4 in my pocket,” she said. “It was an emergency situation, and I needed to find housing.”

She eventually landed a three-bedroom duplex for about $900 a month, which she said is a great deal for her area. And she likes renting because as a single woman and an empty nester, buying feels intimidating.

“I was very, very daunted about living alone at this age again,” Wickham said. “And I’ve stayed here much longer than I anticipated, but it’s been a great decision.”

Wickham likes that she doesn’t have to, say, fix the water heater if it breaks. That’s something a lot of renters talk about, the responsibility that comes with owning. Some people don’t want that burden and prefer the flexibility of renting.

“Right now, I own maybe two suitcases of things that are all replaceable,” said Nina Sokolova, a 35-year-old technology consultant in New York City. She earns enough that she could afford to buy, but chooses to rent.

Sokolova moved to New York from Ukraine 15 years ago and has lived in 11 different apartments. She loves to decorate with a new theme every time she moves. 

“My apartment is currently neon pink Barbie, decorated with 100 balloons, the weirdest lamps you have ever seen and a princess bed,” she said.

Sokolova plans on renting forever. To boost her nest egg, she contributes a bigger portion of her paycheck to her retirement. Once upon a time, she did want to own a home.

“I wanted a house in America, of course, with a beautiful garden,” she said. “But as I get older, that dream doesn’t seem like a dream anymore.”

The American dream is deeply tied to homeownership in this country. And it’s really at the heart of Kangas and Mollison’s disagreement, the couple in Bellingham, Washington.

“It’s a tough issue to deal with because there’s really no compromise between renting and buying,” said Mollison, who feels like he’s holding his girlfriend back.

For him, buying a home isn’t a life goal.

“To me, it’s just more, you know, having a roof over my head that I’m paying for in a different way,” Mollison said.

“It’s more than a logical decision for me,” Kangas said. “There’s, like, emotions and goals and heart associated with that. I don’t feel like a full adult because I don’t have a house. That’s one of those steps that you have to take, and it’s something on the checklist that I’m waiting to cross off.”