(SFX: OFFICE PARTY CHATTER) 

 

BRIDGET: Hey Ryan, you want to sign a Happy Retirement card for Jaggy, the Jagged Line?

 

RYAN: You mean Jaggy, the line that goes up and down on all our economic charts? That Jaggy is retiring? 

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, the very one! Our economic charts will never be the same – today’s his last day on the job. Oh, here he comes now!

 

(SFX: CLAPS AND WHOOPS)

 

BRIDGET: Congratulations, Jaggy!

 

JAGGY: (ELDERLY) Awww, thanks, everyone! But no need to make a fuss over me. I’m just the old jagged line that charts the growth of our nation’s economy. Looks like I’m being phased out for bar graphs and pie charts.

 

BRIDGET: Well, we appreciate you, Jaggy! Boy, I’ve bet you’ve seen a lot of ups and downs in your day.

 

RYAN: Yeah. How ‘bout a speech!

 

VARIOUS CROWD VOICES: (JOINING IN) Speech!…. Speech!… Speech!

 

JAGGY: (DODDERING) Well, back when I first started out during the Great Depression, I was pointed downward. Then, in the 1950s, I was pointing upward for a while. Then in the ‘70s, I pointed down for a bit. Then in the ‘80s, down, and then up again. In the ‘90s, I can’t exactly remember. I think I basically went up? 

 

RYAN: (SIGHS) Let’s settle in. I think we’re gonna be here for a while.

 

–Theme Music–

 

JAGGY: (FADE UP) … And then, let’s see, far as I can remember, I was going up- until 2008 when I went really down….

 

RYAN: Wow, great speech! Congratulations, Jaggy! Cheers to a long career!

 

JAGGY: I’m not done yet! See, cause the housing market collapsed. That’s what caused me to go down that time. And people said I’d never come back up…  (CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND)

 

BRIDGET:  (QUIET ASIDE) Ok, while Jaggy continues his speech- Welcome to Million Bazillion. I’m Bridget.

 

RYAN: And I’m Ryan! And We Help Dollars Make More Sense. Today, we have two listener questions along the same lines. Let’s take a listen:

Hi I’m Josephina and I’m nine. 

Hi I’m Anna from Spokane Washington. 

I would like to know, what are retirement plans and why do people have them? 

And I want to know how you pay for things once you retire.

Thank you!  

 

BRIDGET:  (SOTTO) Great questions, Josephina and Anna, retirement is an excellent money topic, especially since we’re celebrating Jaggy’s retirement today. 

 

JAGGY: (SLOW SPEECH CONTINUES AT LOW VOLUME)… but by gum, I made it back up to an almost 45 degree angle… (KEEPS GOING)

 

BRIDGET CONT: Most people like to have the option of no longer working in their older years, and, as a society, we like the idea of helping to support them. So there comes a time in most people’s lives when they retire, as it’s known. 

 

RYAN: (SOTTO) Or in the case of Jaggy- hey, Jaggy, how long have you been working? 

 

JAGGY: (MID-SPEECH) Ummm, let’s see. Since 1930, about 95 years. So anyway, that 45 degree angle… (KEEPS GIVING SPEECH)

 

RYAN: (SOTTO) Now, retirement is generally thought of as a period where you leave your job behind. A time for rest and relaxation, when it’s ok to stop the daily grind and smell the roses- or whatever flower you prefer. But you still need money to live on during your retirement years. Which gets us back to the question Anna and Josephina asked because usually you get money from your job…if you have no job…where’s the money coming from? 

 

BRIDGET: (SOTTO) Right, and since so few of our nation’s bank heists are carried out by senior citizens, that tells us there must be some OTHER way retired people are getting money to live. And it turns out, that’s right! There are programs to help support our nation’s retired people. And today, we’re gonna talk about them! 

 

RYAN: (SOTTO) But for our kid listeners, isn’t retirement a looooong way away? Isn’t our show supposed to be for children, tweens, some teens, and a few grown adults, like me, looking for simple explainers of economic concepts?

 

BRIDGET: (SOTTO) Well, that’s the thing. We’ve practiced saving for little things, and talked about saving for big things…well retirement is sorta the biggest savings challenge of them all.  Experts say our big mistake is not starting to save early enough – you’re supposed to start saving for retirement as soon as you start working. Plus, our listeners probably have some folks in their lives who ARE retired.  So, this is kinda a great topic for us 

 

RYAN: Well I’m sold! 

 

JAGGY: (FADE UP) But then came 2020, and I went waaay down again. Now, for this part, I’m gonna go into extensive detail- it was early March and something wasn’t quite right… (CONTINUES, FADE DOWN LOWER)

 

RYAN: Alright listeners, while Jaggy continues, let’s take a quick break, but coming up next, everything you need to know about retirement!  In the meantime, take a listen to this.

KIMBERLY: And now it’s time for Asking Random Kids, Not So Random Questions. Today’s question is, what do you think grown ups should do with their free time once they retire?

KIDS: Grown ups should do hobbies like golf in their free time once they retire, buy pets, go on vacation with their kids, work more. They should probably spend a lot of time with their kids and like, read books, play video games, go to Legoland, of course, relax.

KIMBERLY: That was Ashwin in Washington DC, Ada in Georgia, Ruby in Vermont, Benjamin in Texas, Sage in New Hampshire, Sebastian in Minnesota, Emiliano in California and Lily in Florida. This has been Asking Random Kids, Not So Random Questions.

(SFX: INSIDE MOVING CAR AMBI)

 

RYAN: And we’re back! Today on Million Bazillion, we’re answering questions from Anna and Josephina about how retirement works.

 

BRIDGET: And during the break, it occurred to me that it would be helpful to talk to someone who’s been retired for a while, AND that I owe a visit to my oldest living friend, who happens to be my grandmother, Grammy Gracie. 

 

RYAN: We’re going to visit your Grammy? Noice! I’m always a hit with older people. To be honest, I’m better with older people than with kids. I should probably be hosting a podcast for the elderly to be honest

 

BRIDGET: Yep, and even better, she actually lives in a house with two of her closest friends, Bianca and Violet, who are ALSO senior citizens and retirees. Grammy and Violet moved in with Bianca a few years ago! Just a bunch of ladies, living out their golden years together!  Aaand we’re here. 

 

(SFX: CAR STOPS, DOORS OPEN, DOOR BELL RINGS, DOOR OPENS)

(MUSIC: “GOLDEN GIRLS” ESQUE STING)

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE WHOOPS LIKE A CHARACTER ENTERING)

 

GRACIE: Is that…. Bridget! What a surprise! 

 

BRIDGET: Hi Grammy!

 

RYAN: And I’m Ryan. Hello, Ma’am. 

 

GRACIE: Oh, you don’t need to “Ma’am” me. Any friend of Bridget’s can call me Gracie- wait, no, call me Grammy!

 

RYAN: You got it, Grammy! Hey, something smells delicious in there, any chance we could have a bite of what you’re cooking?

 

GRACIE: I thought you’d never ask!

 

(SFX: TRANSITIONAL STING – WOULD BE GOOD IF THIS FELT “GOLDEN GIRLS” IN STYLE)

 

(SFX: KITCHEN AMBI, BOILING POT)

 

BRIDGET: Wow, isn’t this nice? We’re all sitting on one side of the table in Grammy’s kitchen while a pot of something boils on the stove. The kitchen seems to be missing one wall, but we won’t worry about that! 

 

GRACIE: Bridget, you look good! I’m glad you’re out of your “punker” phase.

 

RYAN: Bridget, you were a punk?

 

BRIDGET: No! I wore dark eyeshadow, like, once! I wasn’t a punk, Grammy!

 

GRACIE: Oh you were a punker if I ever saw one.

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

RYAN: What was that?

 

GRACIE: Oh, just an audience that laughs at stuff occasionally. Don’t mind them.

 

RYAN: So, Gracie- or uh, Grammy. How are you enjoying your retirement?

 

GRACIE: Oh I’m having a ball! I read a lot, get up to hijinks with Violet and Bianca but you know all about that. I volunteer, take long walks, spend time with family. I worked so many years at the bread factory, I don’t miss the work grind much.

 

BRIDGET: Where are Bianca and Violet anyway?

 

GRACIE: Aquatic exercise class. They never miss a class when Rodrigo is the instructor,  but they’ll be back soon. 

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

RYAN: (MOUTH FULL) Grammy, I gotta say, this casserole is heavenly. I could eat this every day. 

 

GRACIE: (LAUGHS) Oh Ryan, flattery will get you everywhere! Here, have some more. 

 

(SFX: SUBDUED STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

BRIDGET: Ryan, take it easy. 

 

RYAN: What??? I’m just really hitting it off with your Grammy! 

 

BRIDGET: Ok, Grammy Gracie, anyway, I’m glad you’re having a fun time in retirement. And since we know each other so well, I think you won’t be offended if I ask this kind of personal money question. Since you retired, how do you have money to live on?

 

GRACIE: Oh, is this for your Million Bazillion show? 

 

BRIDGET: It sure is! A couple of kids were asking about it! 

 

GRACIE: Well lemme see-  well you’ve probably heard me talk about how I live on what’s called a fixed income.

 

RYAN: Fixed? Like I had to do with my cat, Skimbleshanks?

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

BRIDGET: No, this kind of “fixed” means like a set amount that doesn’t go up or down much, right Grammy?

 

MUX: EXPLAINER MUSIC 

 

GRACIE: Precisely. Fixed income means I get about the same amount of money each month and that’s what I use to live on. It’s not a paycheck, and it comes from a few different places 

 

BRIDGET: As opposed to someone who’s still working and might be able to make more every year, if they can ask for a raise or get a yearly pay increase. 

 

GRACIE: That money I have to live off of may go up an itsy-bitsy teeny weeny bit at a time with the rise of inflation-

 

MUX out

 

BRIDGET: Oh! We did a whole Million Bazillion episode on inflation-

 

GRACIE: Girl, I know. Season 3, episode 3, one of several time travel episodes you’ve done. 

 

RYAN: Wow Grammy. 

 

GRACIE: I’m not your number one fan for nothing! 

 

(SFX: Small laugh)

 

GRACIE: With inflation, everything costs a little more, but my income doesn’t get equally bigger, and my money doesn’t stretch as far. So I need to be thoughtful about how I spend it. 

 

BRIDGET: So where do you get your “income” now? If it’s not a paycheck?

 

GRACIE: I also have social security, and that comes once a month too. 

 

RYAN: Ahhh yes, social security. The government collects a percentage of every worker’s paycheck in this country and then gives that money to retired people so they can live off it. Most jobs in this country will be covered by this program which means a lot of people are eligible for it at the end of their work-life. 

 

BRIDGET: Ryan, how do you know so much about social security?

 

RYAN: I applied for it once and the government said I was 30 years too early for it. 

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

RYAN: Now what’s a guy gotta do to get a third helping of casserole?

 

GRACIE: Say please and thank you

 

RYAN: (SING SONGY) Uh, please and thank you, Grammy.

 

GRACIE: You’re welcome, Ry Guy.

 

BRIDGET: Ewwwww. So the thing with social security is, it comes every month, but it’s usually not anywhere close to what someone made when they were working. It’s way less money! And I think retired people still have to pay bills–unless, Grammy, do you get a break on all the things grownups usually have to pay for? 

 

GRACIE: [LAUGHS] Oh I wish! No, for the most part, my bills are the same. I pay rent of course, and cell phone, internet. Grocery bills, those only ever go up. Some things cost more as I’ve gotten older, like medical bills and stuff like that. 

 

BRIDGET: Oof, that’s really tricky. Especially since a lot of people live JUST on their social security.

 

GRACIE: That’s right, but I’m lucky, I also get a pension too. I guess that bread factory was good for something! 

 

RYAN: Ah, yes. While Social Security is a government program, pensions are one of the types of retirement accounts you’d set up through your employer. In some versions, an employer commits to paying retired employees a certain amount of money for the rest of their lives. It was like a nice Thank YOu For Your Service from boss to employee.  They used to be pretty common for some types of jobs, now not so much. 

 

BRIDGET: [SURPRISED] That’s right, Ryan! How do you know so much about pensions?

 

RYAN: Oh, I tried once to get one from Million Bazillion. And they were like, “You’ve only worked here a week.”

 

SFX: Laugh

 

BRIDGET: Hey Grammy, back when you were working, did you ever put money away into a savings account devoted to retirement, like a Roth IRA or 401k or a 403b?

 

GRACIE:  A Roth IRA? 401k? 403 b? [CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MIRTH] What’re those? Some kind of Star Wars robots? You know I don’t do science fiction.

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

BRIDGET: Okay, I thought not. No, these are all types of money saving accounts JUST for retirement. Anyone can open a Roth IRA account but you’d set up a 401k or 403b through your employer if they offer it. They usually depend on people to set them up themselves, and make it a habit to add to them. But the hope is that the money in them grows faster than in a traditional bank account. Because, like you said, the price of stuff is always going up, you want to make sure you can afford what you need when that happens. 

 

GRACIE: Ok, enough of this money talk. Who do I look like? Kai Ryssdal and Kimberly Adams? I’m Grammy ! Let’s put on a record!

 

(MUSIC: BIG BAND SWING ON SCRATCHY RECORD)

 

RYAN: Oooo! Is this Count Basie? Glenn Miller? Artie Shaw? Woody Herman? 

 

GRACIE: Psssh, you think my eyes can read the label? 

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

GRACIE: C’mon, you’re my dance partner, Ry Guy!

 

RYAN: Woo hoo! 

 

GRACIE: Bridget? You want in on this or do you only “mosh pit” with your punker friends?

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

RYAN: Hahaha! Grammy got you good, Bridget! Now hold on, I’m gonna flip you over my head!

 

GRAMMY: Don’t flip me, Ryan! You’ll break my back!

 

RYAN: I’m just kidding, Grammy!

 

GRACIE: Oh, you’re trouble! He’s trouble, Bridget!

 

(SFX: laugh)

 

BRIDGET: You two have a good time, this is definitely not weird for me at all. 

 

(SFX: STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH TRACK)

 

BRIDGET: Alright, we’re gonna let Ryan and Grammy uh, shake it off, and when we come back, we’ll learn some more about how retired people pay for things once they’re no longer working. 

 

(MUSIC: SITCOM STING)

 

(SFX: SWING MUSIC MORE DISTANT, LIKE FROM A DIFFERENT ROOM)

(SFX: DOOR OPENS)

 

VIOLET: We’re back from swim class! 

 

(SFX: STUDIO WHOOPS, CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

 

BIANCA: Rodrigo taught us the butterfly!

 

VIOLET: And you taught him how to flirt for an hour. 

 

(SFX: CANNED STUDIO SITCOM LAUGHTER)

 

BIANCA: Gracie, you shoulda been there!-  Hey, you’re not Gracie! 

 

BRIDGET: Hi Bianca, Hi Violet! I was wondering when you’d show up! 

 

BIANCA: Oh, is that Bridget?? Done with your punker phase I see?

 

BRIDGET: Bianca, that was NOT a punk phase. 

 

VIOLET: Oh, leave the girl alone. She’s here to spend some time with her Grammy. 

 

BRIDGET: Thanks, Violet. You both look amazing.

 

VIOLET: It’s all the aquatic exercise. I’m a regular Nyad. What are you doing here? 

 

BRIDGET: We’re answering a question for Million Bazillion. I brought my podcast co-host, Ryan with me to help answer a question about retirement and how people pay for things once they stop working. He and Grammy really hit it off. We talked a lot about the official programs out there for retirees, like social security, savings programs people have through their work, and the retirement savings accounts people can open on their own. And then they started dancing and they’ve been doing that for about the past hour. 

 

BIANCA: Fancy Feet Gracie, she’d make a cockroach do the jitterbug.

 

(SFX: CANNED LAUGHTER)

 

BIANCA: Y’know, you should interview us for your program, we know a thing or two about retirement, you know. 

 

VIOLET: Oh yes. Because, even though we still look 29, we’re both retired! 

 

BRIDGET: I’d love to hear what you both have to say! 

 

BIANCA:  Let me tell you about retirement. You see this big tree here in the yard? 

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, it’s tall.

 

BIANCA: I planted that tree back when I first  started working, from a little seed. And it’s easy to plant a seed. You barely need to get out any tools, you definitely won’t break a sweat. Just get started, and let it grow. It’s a little bit like retirement savings–

 

VIOLET: The tree is a metaphor.

 

BIANCA: That’s what I’m in the middle of saying, Violet.

 

VIOLET: I just want to make sure it’s clear. I’m clarifying.

 

BIANCA: I think it’s clear I’m not bringing up a random tree out of the blue. (SIGH OF A LONG SUFFERING ROOMMATE) The goal is to have a full grown tree when you’re ready to sit and relax under the shade, or in this case, retire. When you start early, you can start small. 

 

BRIDGET: That’s a fine looking retirement account then!

 

BIANCA: Sure is. But let’s say I had waited till much later to plant anything back there.. Twenty, thirty years with nothing growing. To end up with a tree that size, I would have had to plant something bigger than a little seed. Maybe even a five footer to get that shade ready for my retirement! That takes a lot more work!

 

VIOLET: Except in the winter. 

 

BIANCA: What?

 

VIOLET: In the winter, the tree doesn’t have any leaves. There’s barely any shade. 

 

BIANCA: Right, but that doesn’t really work with the metaphor I’m sharing with Bridget. 

 

VIOLET: Well I remember one time back in St. Magnusson–

 

BIANCA: Oh boy–

 

BRIDGET: I think I get it. What you’re saying is, if you start saving for retirement as soon as you start working and earning a paycheck, it can be as easy as planting a little seed. You don’t have to start with very much money to have saved a lot over time. It could mean just saving like, $5 from each paycheck if you start in your 20s, instead of trying to save hundreds from each paycheck if you wait until you’re a few decades older. 

 

BIANCA: Exactly. 

 

BRIDGET: [TRYING TO PEACE MAKE]. Alright, I’ll get moving on my retirement saving. 

 

BIANCA: You goootttta do it.

 

BRIDGET: Hey, we better get back in there before Grammy tries to sign Ryan up for some sort of dance marathon. 

 

BIANCA: I’ve got to meet this Ryan! How tall is he, not that I care?

 

(SFX: DOOR OPENS, SWING MUSIC GOES FROM MUFFLED TO LOUD)

 

GRACIE: (LAUGHING) Girls! You’ve saved me just in time! I need a break!

 

RYAN: Why, who are these fashion models straight from the Paris runways? 

 

BIANCA: I’m Gracie’s friend, Bianca, and I’m next up on your dance card.

 

VIOLET: I’m Violet and I’m cutting in! Sorry Bianca!  

 

(SFX: BIG LAUGHTER, MUSIC SWELLS, SITCOM STING

 

(SFX: Tea cups, tea kettle, kitchen clinks and clunks)

 

GRACIE: Bridget, your niece Jasmine’s gonna be here any minute.

 

BRIDGET: Oh! Jasmine’s gonna be here?

 

GRACIE: Yeah, she heard you were doing an episode on retirement and wanted to stop by. She’s only 16, but just did her first summer job, working at the ice cream parlor, if you can believe it.

 

VIOLET: Big whoop. At 16, I’d already been a dock worker for a decade.

 

(SFX: KNOCK ON DOOR)

 

NIECE: Knock knock. 

 

(SFX: AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND WHOOPS)

 

BRIDGET: Jasmine, you look so grown up! 

 

NIECE: Hi, Aunt Bridget! Hi, Grammy! Hi Bianca, Hi Violet!

 

BIANCA/VIOLET: Hey Jasmine, good to see you!

 

RYAN: Hi Jasmine, I’m Bridget’s co-host, Ryan. How can I put that in a way you’d understand? I’m sorta like the Bingo to her Bluey. 

 

NIECE: I don’t watch Bluey.

 

RYAN: Oh then it’s more like if Bridget is the Billie Eilish of Million Bazillion, I’m sorta like Finneas. 

 

NIECE: Yeah yeah- Let me cut to the chase, because, as you may have heard, I recently entered the workforce-

 

BRIDGET: Congrats on the ice cream parlor job. That’s really cool.

 

NIECE: Thanks, but I have some serious concerns about retirement. I understand how retirement works for someone in Grammy’s generation, but I’m worried about how it’s gonna work for me. Like I’ve heard there are some major problems with social security. I hear people saying there may not be enough social security to go around in the future!

 

BIANCA & VIOLET: Oh, What did she say? Did you hear that? 

 

BRIDGET: Don’t worry Jasmine- or Grammy, social security isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Social Security is a time honored tradition in this country, and so is talking about the END of social security. 

 

NIECE: But that’s not all. Because of advancements in medical science, there’s a good chance I might live to be… old. 

 

VIOLET: Spoiler alert. It’s gonna happen, kid.

 

NIECE: No, I mean really old. Like a hundred years old. Or even older.

RYAN: Wow, I wonder if I’ll live to 100! Hey Grammy, can I have another pound of bacon please?

GRACIE: Sure thing, hon. (SFX: BACON LOADED ONTO PLATE)

NIECE: But my point is- that’s a lot of years I might be retired for. Which means I’ll need a lot of money in retirement. And unlike my parents or grandparents, I’m not so sure I’ll be able to score a job with a big pension- or buy a house that quadruples in value that I can sell one day.

GRACIE: I had these kinda worries when I was young too, Jasmine. When it comes to money, you sometimes feel like a trapeze artist, walking a tightrope, trying not to slip.

NIECE: Yeah, but I feel like I’m gonna be doing it without a net.

BRIDGET: I see your point, Jasmine, and all the more reason to start saving young. Because Social Security- or whatever else happens to you money-wise aside, we should all be saving for our own retirement. Even when our silly people brains make it hard to plan so far in the future. 

 

NIECE: So, Bridget, what’s the big takeaway for me? What should I do? 

 

BRIDGET: I think, since you’ve just started your first job, you should start saving money for retirement too. Doesn’t have to be a lot, but get into the habit now. Maybe even look into a Roth IRA account now. 

 

VIOLET: I-R-A [MAN’S NAME] Roth? You mean Ira? [PRONOUNCE LIKE THE MAN’S NAME]  That was my husband’s name. Sweet man.

 

NIECE : Oh, I think she’s talking about an account, Violet.

 

VIOLET: On account of what? Ira’s not around on account of heart trouble.

 

NIECE: Do you  have any more advice for younger people? 

 

BIANCA: Eh, I have no advice for the youth. They can just Google it.

 

VIOLET: I got some advice. Turn down your earbud volume! Tinnitus is a real thing.

 

BIANCA: Yeah, Google it.

 

MOYA: Hello. Million bazillionaires. My name is Moya. I live in Mountain View California. I’m 12 years old, and I want to share my money saving tips with you. I recently saved money for our trip to Japan, because we were going to Sanrio pura land, which is the one and only Hello Kitty theme park. I wanted to buy awesome stuff in Japan, so I saved $150. I felt happy and a little bit awesome when I finish saving most of my money comes from my allowance, and some of it comes from gifts and my earring business, where I make earrings and sell them, I ask my mom how much money I have in my bank account. I like to wait for my allowance to pile up so that I earn interest in my bank account, which means I get extra money if I leave or save money in my bank account and I don’t spend it, if you want more money, then you can negotiate with your parents to earn more money. For example, I offered to clean my desk more often and set the dinner tables in exchange for two extra dollars a week. And I always recommend listening to million bazillion for more money saving tips.

 

(SFX: OUTDOOR AMBI, PACKING UP CAR SOUNDS)

 

BRIDGET: Welcome back to Million Bazillion! We’re getting ready to leave my Grammy’s house after a very informative visit. 

 

NIECE: Here, Bridget, lemme help you with all your heavy bags.

 

BRIDGET: Thanks. This is weird. I don’t remember bringing any bags.

 

GRACIE: (OFF-MIC) Just a few more sacks of leftovers, I promise!  I can’t send you home empty-handed!

 

RYAN: What an inspiring episode!  We ate great food, danced to great music, and learned so much about this topic by listening to three different generations of women- and also me. 

 

VIOLET: Ryan, you gotta come back for the New Year’s Eve big ballroom dancing competition! There’s a fifty dollar cash prize!

 

BIANCA: Violet, I’m sure he has plans for New Year’s already!

 

RYAN: Actually, I have zero plans yet. I’ll be there! 

 

VIOLET: (TO BIANCA) See?!

 

GRACIE/NIECE: (OVERLAPPING) Well, what did we learn from all this?

 

NIECE: Oh no, you go, Grammy.

 

GRACIE: Oh no, youth over beauty. You ask the recap question, hon.

 

NIECE: What did we learn from all this?

 

(MUSIC: RECAP MUSIC)

 

RYAN: Well, the main thing I learned is that most people want to retire – they want to stop working at a certain age and then enjoy life. But retirement doesn’t look the same for everyone. The second you turn 67, they don’t automatically give you golf clubs and a condo in Sarasota where Murder She Wrote is blasting 24/7. 

 

VIOLET: (OFF-MIC) Sounds like heaven.

 

RYAN: Some retirees have a lot of money to live on, some don’t have quite enough, and some have none. What your retirement will look like will largely depend on how much you save, and more importantly, when you start saving it. So if you remember one thing from this episode, it’s that you should start saving for retirement as soon as possible when you start working. 

 

BRIDGET: That’s right. And hey, to Anna and Josephine and anyone else who was wondering about how people pay for things when they retire…Many people will qualify for social security, that’s a government program that helps people pay for retirement. But many people find it’s not enough money to really live. It’s still important to save on your own. The sooner you start putting money aside for retirement the better. Because saving is hard, our brains are not wired for it. But it’s much easier to start saving earlier, because you can save less at the start, and end up with more at the end. The future is hard to predict, but one thing is certain- when you’re done working, you’re gonna need a BIG pile of money to live off. 

 

(END RECAP MUSIC)

 

RYAN: Grammy, Violent, Bianca, thanks for your hospitality. Have fun in swim class!

 

GRACIE/BIANCA/VIOLET: (OVERLAPPING) Ryan! You rascal! You come back any time! You’re always welcome here! Keep in touch! Text me later! You’re like a son to me!

 

RYAN: And Jasmine, it was very nice to meet you. 

 

NIECE: Uh, yeah… Later.

 

RYAN: (SOTTO) See? I don’t connect as well with the teens for some reason. 

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, I see what you’re talking about now. Anyway bye!

 

GRACIE/NIECE: Bye!

 

(SFX: car doors)

 

BRIDGET: Okay, back to the office? 

 

RYAN: If we hurry, maybe we can make the end of Jaggy’s retirement party. 

 

(SFX: car starts)

 

(SFX: STING DENOTING TRAVEL)

 

(SFX: OFFICE AMBI FROM THE START OF THE EPISODE)

 

JAGGY: And then in 2023, I sorta went sideways for a bit, but lately, I’ve been going up. Anyway, that’s the end of my speech. 

 

OFFICE GROUP: (SIGH OF RELIEF)

 

JAGGY: Thanks for throwing me this nice party!

 

BRIDGET: Nice! We made it back just in time for cake

 

(FADE UP MUSIC DIEGETIC LIMBO MUSIC – APM TRACK “LIMBO FIRE!” )

 

RYAN: And apparently dancing?

 

OFFICE WORKER: (OFF-MIC) Hey, everybody! In honor of Jaggy’s retirement, we’re all doing the limbo! Get in line for the limbo!

 

BRIDGET: The limbo? That’s not fair. Jaggy can go down really low. 

 

GROUP: (CHANTS) How low can you go? How low can you go?

 

RYAN: Eh, it’s his retirement celebration. Let him show off.

 

BRIDGET: You’re right, you’re right. 

 

(SFX: CROWD WHOOPS)

 

CROWD: Go Jaggy! Go Jaggy!

 

(SFX: BACK CRACK)

 

JAGGY: Ow, my back. Guys, I think I went too low.

 

–Theme Music-

 

BRIDGET: That’s it for this episode of Million Bazillion! We’ve got more about retirement in the shownotes for this episode and on our website, marketplace dot org slash million. 

 

RYAN: You can sign up for our newsletter while you’re there too! 

 

BRIDGET: Special thanks to the folks who helped us answer this question, Teresa Ghilarducci at the New School and Matthew Rutledge at Boston College. 

 

RYAN: Million Bazillion is brought to you by Marketplace, from American Public Media. This episode was written and hosted by me, Ryan Perez, and Bridget Bodnar. And we had some extra help voicing this episode from Sabri Ben Achour, Mary Brancaccio, Kameshia Hunter, Chris Julin, Daisy Palacios, Tony Wagner, and Catherine Winter. 

 

BRIDGET: : Jasmine Romero is our editor.

Courtney Bergsieker is our producer.

Marissa Cabrera is our senior producer. 

This episode was sound designed by Chris Julin 

And mixed by Bekah Wineman. 

Our theme music was created by Wonderly. 

 

RYAN: Bridget Bodnar is the Director of Podcasts at Marketplace. 

Francesca Levy is the Executive Director of Digital 

Neal Scarbrough is the VP and General Manager.

BRIDGET: Million Bazillion is funded in part by the Sy Syms Foundation, partnering with organizations and people working for a better and more just future since 1985. And special thanks to The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance for providing the start-up funding for this podcast, and continuing to support Marketplace in our work to make younger audiences smarter about the economy.

RYAN: If Million Bazillion is helping your family have important conversations about money, consider making a one-time donation today at marketplace-dot-org-slash-givemillion, and thanks for your support.