Million Bazillion: S3 Ep 1 Credit Cards Script/Transcript

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(SFX – CAR PULLS OFF. MUSIC – SAD PIANO SCORE)

 

BRIDGET: Bye, Jed! We’ll miss you! Well, turns out my old friend Jed packed up and is moving on to a new adventure, to be the first professional dirt biker to race on a unicycle. He’s going to have a great time.  Anyway, it means this show needs a new co-host.

 

(SFX – BUSY DANCE STUDIO AMBIENCE + BROADWAY ESQUE MUSIC)

 

NARRATOR/TV HOST: We’re here at the Warren Buffett Center for the Performing Arts, where one of these lucky auditioners will be the next co-host of Million Bazillion.

 

AUDITIONER #1: …and, of course, credit default swaps were a major factor in the 2008 financial crisis-

 

BRIDGET:. Hmm, this is over my head. Thank you, next!

 

(SFX: UPBEAT PIANO BACKING)

 

AUDITIONER #2 [SINGS]: Keynesian theory dictates that aggregate demand is an economy’s main driving force…

 

BRIDGET:   Agh, also over my head. You have a nice voice.. Next!

 

(SFX – HUFFING, PUFFING, DANCING SOUNDS)

 

BRIDGET: Um, sorry what are you doing?

 

AUDITIONER #3 [OUT OF BREATH]: I’m miming the eternal tug of war between supply and demand.

 

BRIDGET:, Oh, sorry. Miming doesn’t really *come through* on a podcast. But love the effort. Next!… whoops, that was the last audition. Ugh, I just need a co-host who can make talking about money fun, even if they don’t understand money at all-

 

(SFX – FLOOR SWEEPING SOUNDS)

 

BRIDGET:  Hey! You with the broom! Who are you?

 

RYAN:  Me? Why, I’m Ryan, just a humble Sweeper of the Stage. I chase around the spotlight every night with my broom, but never catch it.

 

BRIDGET: Cool, do you know anything about money?

 

RYAN: No. In fact, I’m extremely bad with money. I invested in GameStop but *not* as a joke.

 

BRIDGET: Oh! That’s great. I mean not your bad investments — but that you have a lot to learn! That’s just what I was looking for. You wouldn’t by chance be able to give a compelling recap at the end of an episode?

 

RYAN: Why, I was born to recap! My mother said it was my one true talent!

 

BRIDGET: Perfect! You got the gig!

 

<OPENING THEME MUSIC>

 

BRIDGET: Just, go ahead, say the thing.

 

RYAN: Stand here?

 

BRIDGET: Closer to the microphone!

 

RYAN: You’re listening to Million Billion- Billion Mazillion- Bazillion Minion- Million Bazillion. I’m Ryan.

 

BRIDGET: I’m Bridget.

 

BRIDGET & RYAN [OUT OF SYNC]: And We Help Dollars Make More Sense.

 

BRIDGET: We’ll work on that. And welcome back everyone. We’re here to answer the questions you have about money! Turns out, quite a few of you have the same burning question:

 

TEDDY: Hi Million Bazillion. This is Teddy. //My name’s Esther and my name’s Tani. We’re from New Jersey// And I live in Golden Colorado and my question is, What is a credit card?//and our question is: How do credit cards work? 

 

RYAN:  Arrgh! I don’t know the answers to these riddles! I knew I’d be a bad host! I’ll show myself out.

 

BRIDGET: Hey, wait, it’s okay not to know! We’re going to discover the answers together. That’s how this show works.

 

RYAN: Oh. Whew. Because there is A LOT I don’t know.

 

BRIDGET: And these are both great questions. I bet they have really interesting answers. So – to start — Ryan, tell me everything you know about credit cards.

 

RYAN: Hmm, let’s see. Credit cards are thin plastic cards usually — they usually have, like, a stripe on one side and sometimes a little fancy chip on the other side. There’s someone’s name on them and a long string of numbers. You often see people whipping them out of their wallet to pay for things.  And when you show it at the cashier, they’re *super* impressed and say, “Yes sir! Whatever you say, sir!” and give you anything you want! And I’m not allowed to have one in 36 states.

 

BRIDGET: Wait, what?

 

RYAN: Nothing. Hey, do you think, in order to illustrate this lesson- y’know, for the children-  it would be helpful for us to… get a credit card?

 

BRIDGET: Well, it’s not that easy to just get one. You have to ask the credit card company to give you one. Not everyone that wants one is going to get it. It may take a while.

 

RYAN: Ok let’s just do all that stuff during the break, and when we get back, we’ll just have a credit card.

 

BRIDGET: Okay. Let’s just make sure we’re careful about this.  We’ll be right back.

 

–Asking Random Kids NOT SO Random Questions–

 

ANNOUNCER: And now it’s time for Asking Random Kids NOT SO Random Questions. Today’s question is, what do you wish you had a million bazillion of?

 

RANDOM KIDS: “Dogs.” “I would want a million bazillion friends.” “Money.” “I wish I had million bazillion of a lollipop.” “Me, because then I can make friends with all of myself.”

 

ANNOUNCER: That was Eloise in Illinois, Mateo in California and Aida in Georgia. Max in Maryland and Michael in Connecticut. This has been asking random kids NOT SO random questions.

 

Part 1:

BRIDGET: Alright, let’s do this. So, Credit Cards. A credit card lets you pay for something instantly.

 

RYAN: Yep. And then it’s yours! Free and easy, right?

 

BRIDGET: No, not really. You see, when you use a credit card you are actually borrowing money from a credit card company. You don’t have to have the money, in your hand, or in your bank account. But you do have to pay it back to the company eventually.

 

RYAN: Right. That makes more sense than the card just being free money. Wow, I am learning a lot. This show is good.

 

BRIDGET: A lot of stores let people pay with a credit card, instead of cash or debit. To the store, it is sorta like cash because they get their money right away because the credit card company pays that bill. Oh, and, I’ve got our new Million Bazillion card right here, you want to try it out??

 

RYAN: (insincere) Oh no, I really shouldn’t, but there were a few things in the theater gift shop that I’m gonna need for the podcast- some voice-enhancing lozenges, a brown-bound book of terrific tongue twister warm-ups, a big flowy cape.

 

BRIDGET: You need a cape to host a podcast?

 

RYAN: I simply shan’t host without a cape of some kind!

 

BRIDGET: Alright, cool, fine. Let’s go to the theater gift shop.

 

[SFX – WALKING INTO THE STORE AMBIENCE]

 

RYAN: Yes, see, it’s that one! The big shiny one made of indigo velour!

 

BRIDGET: Let’s just look at the price tag– okay, okay. $50 for the cape.  I only have $35 on me, what about you?

 

RYAN: Well TODAY I’m a little light on dollars, I won’t get my sweeping paycheck for another few days.

 

BRIDGET: But we could buy it with the credit card.

 

RYAN: Exactly what I was thinking!

 

BRIDGET: We can use the credit card because we know we will have the money to pay for this soon.

 

RYAN: Ok. I think I’m getting it — it’s like, say someone wants to buy a new board game. It’s $10. But they only get $2 allowance once a week. Well they’ll have ten dollars at some point, but if they need the game RIGHT NOW because say they are hosting the neighborhood board game night and THIS crew doesn’t do repeats! Yeah, then it’s okay to use a card. It’s not a free pass to just buy stuff, you’re still promising to pay back what you owe.

 

BRIDGET: Wow. Great recap of how these cards work.

 

RYAN: Told ya. And yea, I’m gonna have the money. My paycheck’s in the mail. It’s a done deal. Don’t even worry.

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, you’re getting this! Ok, I guess we can get the cape.

 

RYAN: Yes! Y’know what Bridget, I’ve always been so terrible with money, but I’m really starting to think this credit card is going to fix all my money problems. Do you get that feeling? I get that feeling.

 

[SFX – CASH REGISTER BEEPS AND BUTTON PUSHING]

 

STORE CLERK: There’s your total, with tax. Will you be paying with debit or credit??

 

RYAN: What’s the difference?

 

STORE CLERK: Um, debit purchases are subtracted from the money you already have in your checking account. And credit is, like, borrowing money you’ll have in the future?

 

RYAN: (braggy to the whole store) Ummmyea, that’s gonna be credit. We have credit, everyone! But we don’t want to be treated any different than you. We’re normal people just like you!

 

STORE CLERK: Just insert your card into the chip reader.

 

[SFX – CREDIT CARD READER “BEEP” NOISE]

 

STORE CLERK: OK, looks like your card has been approved.

 

RYAN: And these items are mine now, right? I can just walk out?

 

STORE CLERK: Yes…that’s how it works. You don’t owe the store any money for buying the cape. We have your money. Now, you owe the credit card company. And they’re going to send you a bill at the end of the month.

 

–MUSICAL STING–

 

BRIDGET: Okay so back to that credit card bill. A bill is just a list of everything we bought. And we will have to pay at least some of what we owe on that bill by a certain date. If we don’t pay anything at all, we’ll have to pay late fees.

 

RYAN: You mean like at the library? How much money could that even be?

 

BRIDGET: Actually late fees can really add up, but that’s not all–

 

RYAN:[interrupting] Oh, I see, I see.  Did you know credit cards work online too? Look what I just ordered for surprise for delivery.

 

(SFX – BELLOWING YACHT HORN SOUND)

 

BRIDGET: Wait, did you buy a boat?

 

RYAN: Please, please, it’s a luxury mega-yacht…please, come aboard!

 

BRIDGET: Um. Okay. Hold up. This boat is waaaaay too expensive for you to pay off anytime soon. Just because credit cards let you buy it, doesn’t mean you’ll have the actual cash to pay for it later.

 

RYAN: Yeah, but later is later. But how ‘bout right now we christen this hunk o’ junk with a spinaroo round the harbor? A hoy hoy!

 

(SFX – YACHT HORN SOUND)

(SFX – AMBIENCE OF OPEN SEA AS CONSTANT BED UNDERNEATH)

 

RYAN: Don’t you just love the open sea? I feel as if my whole life is ahead of me- like I’m on the Titanic itself. Credit cards are great! One minute, you’re sweeping up a stage, and the next, you’re yachting in a cape.

 

BRIDGET Yeah, I’m not sure you’re fully getting this Ryan. Credit cards can get complicated real fast.

 

RYAN: Right, right. You said, at some point I’m gonna have to pay the credit card company every dollar I owe them, right?

 

BRIDGET: Well, The credit card company won’t always make you pay off EVERYTHING at once. Sometimes they’ll say…you can pay them just a little bit of what you owe…if you promise to pay them some extra  money — on top of what you borrowed. That extra money is called interest.. Wow, I’m starting to feel a little queasy. Is there a captain? Can they drive the boat less rocky?

 

RYAN: You’re speaking to the captain, and my answer is- I don’t know how. My dear, you look as green as a dollar itself. Are you seasick?

 

BRIDGET: Just a little.

 

RYAN: Hold on. On the count of three, I’m gonna scare you. That should do the trick. One two-

 

BRIDGET: No, no that’s for hiccups, not sea-sickness. I just need you to stand still right now..

 

RYAN: Ok ok, let’s get your mind off it. Keep explaining money stuff. You were saying something about interest? What’s interest?

 

BRIDGET: Interest is what it COTS you to borrow that money. The credit card company is charging you for however long it takes you to give them their money back. Every week you don’t pay them back, they add a little more to the bill.

 

RYAN: So you’re saying, if I buy something for $10…and use a credit card to pay for it…but I don’t pay them back, that FULL $10 right away…if I just pay them $4 to start…they’ll start adding MORE money onto my bill?

 

BRIDGET: Yep, that’s pretty much how it goes. So by the end you may have ended up paying them 12 dollars for something that cost 10. Whoo, boy. Really feeling every single wave here.

 

RYAN: Hold the phone, so using a credit card actually costs more than using cash?

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, if you don’t pay off everything you owe at the end of every month.

 

RYAN: Y’know, I’m feeling nauseous too. I’m realizing that I’m going to owe a LOT of money later…waaaay more than I’ll be able to pay off… I’m starting to think credit cards aren’t the solution to all my problems that I thought they were!

 

BRIDGET: Well, yeah. That money you owe is called “debt.” When you owe money or have a debt, you want to make sure you’ll be able to pay it back some day. But remember that credit cards add interest or extra money onto the total you owe if you don’t pay it all back when they ask you to. That money can start to add up really fast and could feel overwhelming. Even if you didn’t even spend all that much in the first place.

 

RYAN: Oh no! I didn’t know any of this! What if I’ve doomed us to debt Bridget?

 

BRIDGET: That’s okay, don’t beat yourself up, we’re learning about this stuff together. And we’ll find a way to handle it, okay. That’s what this show is all about!

 

RYAN:  Yeah, I get this is a “fun show” and stuff, but I owe real money! Someone’s gonna come lookin’ for it!

 

BRIDGET: It’s ok. You know, a lot of people don’t pay off their credit card bill every month, for a bunch of different reasons. And it’s something to pay attention to because you actually get graded on how good you are at paying off your bill. And if your credit grades, or credit score isn’t great, it can make it harder for you to borrow money later on.

 

RYAN: What a racket, do people know about this?

 

BRIDGET: , I mean, I think they kinda do, it’s all there in the paperwork they send you with the credit card.

 

RYAN: Paperwork? You mean the packing filler? I threw all that away.

 

BRIDGET: That’s not “filler,” that’s where the rules are printed!

 

RYAN: You mean that really tiny printing? No one can read that! I can’t believe it! This can’t be!

 

BRIDGET: I mean, yeah, it’s frustrating, but don’t worry, we can still fix this.

 

RYAN: No There, in the distance! It’s a ship!

 

BRIDGET: Is that….? Could it be….?

 

(SFX – FAINT SOUND OF PIRATES)

 

RYAN: Pirates!

 

(MUSIC – DRAMATIC STING IN THE STYLE OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN)

 

BRIDGET: Uh oh, maybe getting this credit card was a bad idea.

 

Part 2:

 

(MUSIC – PERCUSSIVE “PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN”-STYLE SUSPENSE SCORE)

 

RYAN: Oh no! It’s a pirate ship!

 

BRIDGET: I did not expect to see this in the Newport Beach harbor! Turn the boat around!

 

RYAN: I don’t know how! That hasn’t been covered in my yachting online masterclass yet!

 

(SFX- LOUDER NOW, THE PIRATES HAVE A GHOSTY REVERB)

 

BRIDGET: Wait a minute, those aren’t regular pirates, are those…?

 

RYAN: Ghost pirates?

 

BRIDGET: Ghost pirates! The most dangerous kind of pirate! And ghost! ALT: And the most dangerous kind of ghost!

 

RYAN: And they’re coming this way! ALT: And they’re boarding our boat!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Arrggg, tis I, the Ghost of Blackbeard!

 

RYAN [WHISPERS]: Wow. It’s Blackbeard. He’s a really famous pirate.

 

BRIDGET [WHISPERS ANNOYED]: I know who Blackbeard is.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Me and my ghost pirate legion have come to rob ya… but first I gotta ask. You’re obviously very rich. You got the most extravagant ship I’ve ever seen, but no treasure as I can see. It doesn’t add up.

 

RYAN: We don’t need treasure. We have a credit card.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Credit card, eh? What’s a credit card?

 

BRIDGET: Uh, it’s like a little piece of plastic that you can use to pay for things instead of using paper money or coins.

 

RYAN: To buy things you don’t have the real money to afford yet.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD [SCOFFS]: Must be nice. Sounds like if I had a credit card, I never would’ve entered a life of piracy in the first place. I’d just sit on my keister and charge everything like a robber baron instead of working hard every day out at sea to steal a few measly doubloons.

 

BRIDGET: Yeah, but when you charge things to a credit card and don’t have the money to pay it all off when your bill comes, the credit card company will charge you a little extra money for every day that goes by that you haven’t paid everything you owe. That’s called interest.

 

RYAN: And the credit card company gets to keep that money. And you could wind up owing a lot of money that way!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Why, that sounds like a form piracy as dastardly as any I practiced in my day! Why would anyone want a credit card?? It sounds evil!

 

RYAN: I, for one, wholeheartedly agree with you, Blackbeard- er, Ghost Blackbeard- er, Mr. Ghost Blackbeard.

 

BRIDGET: Well, hold on, maybe we gave you guys the wrong idea about credit cards? Most American adults do have one. I mean, Ryan’s been using ours very irresponsibly, but there are good uses for them. Credit cards make it so you don’t have to carry around so much cash.

 

RYAN: And you can buy things ONLINE with them.

 

GHOST PIRATE 1: She’s right! If we had a credit card, we could finally get the subscription to Pirate Entertainment Plus, our favorite pirate streaming app! They won’t take dubloons nor emeralds!

 

GHOST PIRATE 2:  And you can’t even share your password anymore.

 

RYAN: Wait, you actually know about online shopping?

 

GHOST PIRATE 1: We have WiFi! We’re pirates, not cavemen!

 

BRIDGET:  But uh, another thing about using a credit card responsibly is that it helps build that credit score …remember? In case you need to borrow for something bigger like…a car, or a house…we’re trying to play the long game here!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: ….Eh, I’d probably just steal something big instead of going through all that trouble.

 

GHOST PIRATE 1: Yeah, that’s true.

 

GHOST PIRATE 2: Yeah, stealing’s more our style.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Ok, listen up, I’ll make you a deal, I won’t make you walk the plank if you let me use your credit card real quick.

 

BRIDGET: Sure, take the card. It’s all yours.

 

RYAN: What are you doing?

 

BRIDGET Saving our lives, Ryan! Trust me I have a plan.

 

RYAN: No. No. No. Sorry Blackbeard, we need to know what you want it for.

 

BLACKBEARD: (sheepish, embarrassed) Um, for an in-app purchase of this game I play on my phone, where you, like, collect these little, like, gems, they’re like little shiny rubies, and you can trade them with other pirates and….

 

(BLACKBEARD’S EXPLANATION OF THE APP CONTINUES UNDER THE FOLLOWING DIALOGUE)

 

RYAN: (whispers) I dunno. I don’t think Blackbeard’s ready to use a credit card- especially to buy rubies in some sketchy phone game. We need to set reasonable boundaries with Ghost Blackbeard.

 

BRIDGET: They have swords pointed at us. We can set boundaries later! You know what Blackbeard? Here you go. Here’s the card.

 

BLACKBEARD: Aweeeesome!

 

RYAN: But all day long with me you’ve been like, “You need to be responsible, blah, blah, blah,” and now Blackbeard wants the card for some game for babies and you’re like, “Cool take it! Waste all my money” That’s not exactly fair, Bridget!

 

(SFX – CREDIT SWIPE AND “BEEP SOUND)

 

BLACKBEARD: There’s a few other random websites that have been asking me for a credit card number so now I finally have one to give out!

 

RYAN:  Careful, Blackbeard!  Don’t misuse the credit card! You have very little understanding of its power! Bridget, what have you done? How are we going to pay for all of this? You’re single-handedly responsible for this!

 

BRIDGET: Uhh, have you been listening to this episode?

 

Part 3:

 

(SFX – SWIRLING WINDSTORM BUILDING SLOWLY TO A CLIMAX THROUGH THE SCENE)

 

(MUSIC – DRAMATIC PIRATES OF CARIBBEAN  STYLE SCORE)

 

BRIDGET: Ahhhh! Blackbeard keeps charging stupid stuff to our card!

 

RYAN: And giving out the number to online phishing schemes!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: My fish friend on Fishbook says they need $10,000 so I can invest in their sand dollar business. They seem nice. I’m just gonna give them our credit card number.

 

(SFX – CREDIT SWIPE AND “BEEP SOUND)

 

BRIDGET: Blackbeard’s gonna ruin our credit score forever!

 

RYAN: It’s gonna make it impossible for me to buy a house one day! I mean, it would be impossible for me even if I had decent credit, but now it’s extra impossible!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Alright, ye lily-livered podcasters, I’m sick of yer belly-aching about money! I’m tossing ya two overboard!

 

RYAN: But you said you’d let us go!

 

BRIDGET: You double-crossed us like you mangy scalawag!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Double-crossing is what us mangy scalawags do! Overboard, ye go!

 

RYAN: Ahhhhhhhh!

 

BRIDGET: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

 

(SFX – TWO SPLASHES)

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: And now to keep making charges on the  card-

 

(SFX – CARD READER MAKES “DECLINED” SAD BEEP)

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: wait!… Wait! Charge declined? What’s happening?

 

(SFX – BOOMING THUNDER, SOUND OF SOMETHING HUGE EMERGING FROM UNDERWATER))

 

FICO [BOOMING AND ECHOING]: Not so fast, Blackbeard!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Ahhhhh! Who are you? Poseidon, the god of the sea?

 

FICO: No, I’m Fico, the god of using credit cards in the recommended way! You’ve angered me by irresponsibly using a credit card without permission!

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: So you used your mighty power to decline my charges?

 

BRIDGET: No! When you threw us overboard, I took a moment to file a fraud report and froze the card! That was my plan all along!

 

RYAN: Oh – good one Bridget! Your spending spree ends here, Blackbeard.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Bridget? Ryan? But I threw ye overboard!

 

FICO: I rescued them from the sea.

 

(SFX: SOUND OF TWO BODIES LANDING BACK ON THE SHIP DECK)

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: You double crossed my double cross!

 

BRIDGET: Yes, a classic double double cross… cross.

 

FICO: As for you, Blackbeard, I’m sending you back to the netherworld of Davy Jones’ locker!

 

BLACKBEARD: Awwww. For 1000 years?

 

FICO: Just for seven years.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Oh, that’s not so bad. Bridget, Ryan, sorry I stole your credit card.

 

BRIDGET: Well, you are a pirate.

 

GHOST BLACKBEARD: Yup. Welp. I guess I better get to serving me 7 years…

 

BRIDGET/RYAN: Bye, Ghost Blackbeard!

from

FICO: Bye, Bridget! Bye, Ryan! I’ll see you next time you fill out an apartment application!

 

BRIDGET/RYAN: Bye, Fico!

 

ANWIN: I have a joke you. My name is Anwin. I am seven, almost eight and I live in Brooklyn. What happens when your pile of bills gets too heavy? You can’t budget.

 

BRIDGET: Ok, what did we learn from all this? Ryan, this is your big recap moment.

 

RYAN: Let me straighten my cape. Cue the lights. Cue the Music. The perfect music…

 

[SOME EPIC PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SCORING HERE]

 

RYAN: When I woke up this morning, I was just Ryan, a humble sweeper of the stage. But now, I am Ryan, caped sailor of the seas! A credit card, is a tool that allows its user to buy something with borrowed cash…Borrowed today, but must be paid back later, with interest.  A lot of people use credit cards just to help get them through life, like to pay for groceries until their paycheck comes in, others use them for convenience. But if not used thoughtfully and with care, a credit card can cause real problems for you in the future. Just think of this power, made possible through the magic of technology, all encased in this little rectangular piece of plastic.

 

BRIDGET: Wow, Ryan, you really ARE great at re-caps! I have chills!

 

RYAN: Don’t thank me. Thank my cape, which gave me the power to deliver any line with confidence.

 

BRIDGET: I hope we answered the questions that Teddy, Esther, and Tani had about credit cards. There’s a lot more to know, but I think we made a really good start! If you’re not done learning, head over to our website, marketplace.org/million for a cool tipsheet all about credit cards.

 

RYAN: So, how are we going to fix this credit card mess? I don’t make enough sweeping stages to afford all this debt I’ve just gotten myself into. .

 

BRIDGET: Well, let’s start by returning this yacht.

 

RYAN: Can I keep the cape? I know I can pay it off when I get my check.

 

BRIDGET: Then yes, yeah. It looks good on you.

 

RYAN: Wow. I am going to think long and hard before opening another credit card.

 

BRIDGET: Aww, Ryan, I think you really learned something there about the way the decisions you make about money can have real consequences for you in the future.

 

RYAN: I really did, didn’t I–

 

(SFX – HARP MUSIC IN THE DISTANCE)

 

SIRENS [SINGING IN UNISON]: Ryan… We have more credit card offers for you.

 

RYAN: What…? What’s that beautiful sound? Where is it coming from?

 

BRIDGET: Oh no! Those are sea sirens! They use their song to enchant you!

 

SIRENS: Take advantage of our exciting credit card offers with 0% Intro APR or Up To 5% Cash Back. 

 

RYAN [HYPNOTIZED]: That’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I must go to them.

 

BRIDGET: No, don’t do it, Ryan. I know the offer sounds good, but it’s a trap!

 

SIRENS: … and air travel points with each purchase… 

RYAN [HYPNOTIZED]: I’m turning the boat in your direction, my sweet sirens. I’ll be there soon.

BRIDGET: No, Ryan, no!!!!!

 

CLOSE MUSIC + CREDITS

BRIDGET: Thanks for listening to Million Bazillion — we help dollars make more sense.

RYAN: If you’re not done learning about credit cards, check out the tipsheet for this episode at our website, marketplace.org/million. And if you want to keep getting smarter about money, sign up for the Million Bazillion Academy and get four weeks of lessons you can do at your own pace. Sign up today at Marketplace.org/MBA.

 

BRIDGET: In our next episode, we’ll find out why some people find it so AWKWARD to talk about money!  If you have an idea for an episode or a question you want answered, send them to us at our website, marketplace.org/million.

 

RYAN: Million Bazillion is brought to you by Marketplace and American Public Media.

This episode was written and hosted by me, Ryan Perez, and Bridget Bodnar, who’s the senior producer too.

 

BRIDGET: This episode was also produced by Marissa Cabrera with help from Tiffany Bui, edited by Jasmine Romero and Sanden Totten, sound designed by Chris Julin, and mixed by Bekah Wineman. Our theme music was created by Wonderly.

 

RYAN: Our digital producer is Tony Wagner. Donna Tam is the Director of On Demand at Marketplace.Neal Scarbrough is the VP and General Manager

 

BRIDGET: We are grateful for the voicing talents of Kimberly Adams, Sabri Ben-Achour, Kameshia Duncan, Samantha Fields, Chris Julin, Meghan McCarty Carino, Jeff Peters, Mel Rosenberg, and Amy Scott.

 

RYAN: And special thanks to the people who provided the startup funding for Million Bazillion, and who continue to help keep us going: The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance, supporting Marketplace’s work to make younger audiences smarter about the economy.

 

BRIDGET: To all the grown-ups listening right now – we hope that you and the kids in your life are having some good conversations about money thanks to Million Bazillion. Help us keep those conversations going. Donate today at marketplace.org/givemillion. Your support means a whole lot.